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The past is tense. The future is perfect. — Zadie Smith
I had never failed a test.* I just spent 3 minutes on that sentence. I guess I am still traumatized by my failure at this one: "English Grammar (U.S)" which is part of an elance.com skills test. I thought I loved grammar but apparently love is not enough -- this was more like a thorough background check. "These are not your high school grammar tests," a blogger comments. They don't give you a sentence and ask you to correct it. This is a language about language and if you can't have a fluent conversation you fail.
English is flexible: you can jam it into a Cuisinart for an hour, remove it, and meaning will still emerge.** ― Douglas Coupland, Generation A
I agree with the quote above and with David Ogilvy, advertising genius, who said that you need to speak the language of the people you are trying to reach. But at the same time everything I do is rooted in a firm foundation. Picasso didn't move into Cubism until he thoroughly understood and could execute a beautiful, traditional painting. There are flash successes but most are not sustainable unless they came from a deeper knowledge or inspire a hunger to learn more, build that solid baseline and keep going.
So I got my "Plain English Handbook, De Luxe Edition" off the shelf and I will work my way through it. It was published in 1936 and that's apparent in one instance: "Sentence with simple subject and simple predicate: Fishes swim". Now we would say "Fish swim." But it contains everything necessary "to the mastery of functional grammar and usage". Functional is the key word. Beyond that lies insanity in my opinion and judging from my state of mind after taking this test it's best if I don't go there. It did not go on my record.
*Not a claim to intellectual superiority. I am a member of Stupids Anonymous. (I can hear my sister: "It's Anonymous! Anonymous! Stop talking about it!")
**I don't think that is the proper use of a colon. Should it be a semi-colon? Two sentences? Anyone?
So I got my "Plain English Handbook, De Luxe Edition" off the shelf and I will work my way through it. It was published in 1936 and that's apparent in one instance: "Sentence with simple subject and simple predicate: Fishes swim". Now we would say "Fish swim." But it contains everything necessary "to the mastery of functional grammar and usage". Functional is the key word. Beyond that lies insanity in my opinion and judging from my state of mind after taking this test it's best if I don't go there. It did not go on my record.
*Not a claim to intellectual superiority. I am a member of Stupids Anonymous. (I can hear my sister: "It's Anonymous! Anonymous! Stop talking about it!")
**I don't think that is the proper use of a colon. Should it be a semi-colon? Two sentences? Anyone?
Great post!
ReplyDelete-=Terry=-
Every time I moved from one state to the next I would go to get my driver's license AND FAIL! The first time I did this I WAS SHOCKED. I've been driving since I was 16. But there are minor differences per state. So now when I move I have a system. Take the test, fail. Go back the next day until I pass. Generally I only fail by one but they have different questions on different versions of the test.
ReplyDeleteOf course I could always read the book.
Being kind of a nerd I always study the Driver's Manual. That's why I know that a city bus always has the right of way in MN and can pull out right in front of you and there is nothing to be done. I did not study for this one (the grammar test.) Not that it would have done me much good. But no one has said if it should be a colon or semi-colon? I think semi-colon.
ReplyDeleteI prefer semi color because of the way it looks but I think the colon is correct because the second part interprets the first part. I like it as one sentence.
ReplyDelete- Still Anonymously Stupid
If the second part reflects the first part and they are two sentences doesn't that call for a semi-colon? A colon is usually followed by a list. But I did fail the test.
ReplyDelete